Pre-Bull 2008 : Dark & Dirty Night Ride

Topic : Blood en OMO preparing for the Bull at Parys and the Dark & Dirty Nite Ride.

B&O Team

For the curious - I had a good response to the pathetic appeal for volunteers after the initial team members decided they had better things to do. Had several more “very keens” pulling out when they had sobered up in the bright light of day and had a chance to look at what the Bull actually meant. Then there were those who were just too young and capable for the Bloed en OMO tradition.

Interesting was that majority of the responses were from persons of the female persuasion – all them uber tough. Was a bit worried that this might have something to do with the misogynistic comments in B&O’s SANI2C report. Could they be planning something for the Transkei wilderness? Managed to talk one unsuspecting male into the team which now stands as follows:

Tania de Muelenaere, Laura Forster, Jan Bezuidenhout and Oupa

Average age : pushing 50 (despite the youthfulness of the ladies)
Objective : To finish the bull before the average age strikes 50
Main strength : Balance - the average member has one testicle and one ovary.

Am a bit concerned about, as they say in the classics, the diminutive stature of both girls – together they weight less than myself and I wonder if they’ll have enough puff – in the unlikely event of my requiring CPR – to inflate half a lung. Jan on the hand is too old, ugly and male to be doing the mouth-to-mouth thing on me.

What does Ouma say about Oupa going on a 7 day and night walk-about with two young ladies. She paused a few moments and then summed it all up with “there’ll be no farting in the tent then”. She can be so cute sometimes. And I still don’t know if it was a question or an instruction.

So, all we have to do now is get to the start line because I have been told on good authority (Hano Otto) that’s the hardest bit. The rest is presumably a mere walk in the park.

Nevertheless, being suspicious of race directors we have done some training.

Parys Hike & Paddle (2 Jul)

Last Wednesday 3 of us sneaked away from work and did some river paddling at Parys on Synergy Fluids. Also tackled some rapids, but only because portaging these beasts is a major undertaking. Discovered that helmets are not for protection from rocks but from co-paddlers (me) swinging wildly in moments of excitement.

Further friendly advice – towing Synergies is well nigh impossible since it prevents the steering by the front boat. Also, there’s no space for bags between the feet.

Added a 10 km or so hike with navigation to various points. Concluded that my propensity to disorientation is caused by a thickening of the fluids in the inner ear for which I shall be thinning with copious amounts of medicinal Old Brown on the BoA. Either that or I must learn to turn slowly – chameleon style.

During the hike gathered from the conversation between Laura and Jan that they were both trail running fanatics having done a multitude of endurance events. Yet, the team advert expressly stated non-competitive types. Having sleepless nights over this team induced pressure.

Dark & Dirty Nite Ride ( 3 Jul)

Thursday evening a different 3 of us deserted our spouses and joined Clinton Hardenberg and the Dark & Dirty gang for a 50 km night ride. What a jol. Four hours of bracing night air, fading torches and layers of steaming clothing.

My third Dark & Dirty ride and once again I was amazed at the diversity of single track, ditches, dirt road, and tunnels available within the urban landscape. Its quite eerie riding through the night veld and bush with the horizon lit up by suburbs and highways.

Amongst the two dozen or so riders there was a fair contingent of BoA preparees complete with laden rucksacks. Apparently there was some sort of heaviest backpack competition. Seems to me it was won by Clinton (included 2 litre coke which he magnanimously shared later) and Laura (two sacks of mielie meel). To avoid group embarrassment they ignored mine at the weigh-in as it was bulging ominously (two pillows actually) and the webbing was bristling with compulsory compii and knives.

Slowed down to join Eric at the back. Shame, he seemed to be struggling a bit – he kept on falling further and further back until he tactfully informed me that he was the sweeper and that if I didn’t stop dilly dallying he would loose radio contact with the front. Kept my pose and speeded up ever so slightly until I was close enough to overhear Clinton whisper to one of the chicks in the car we would be going through Blair Wood next. Put on some cadence and kept up with Oupa Gerrit and the others thereafter.

The chicks in the car? Well there were these two chicks in a car that kept on appearing at the odd intersection. Concluded they must have been Clinton’s groupies as they weren’t serving hot chocolate to the rest of us.

Tried the old compass out during one of the rests and discovered that the Southern Cross had swung about some 30 degrees to the right without the scientific community picking it up – exactly the consequence of too much sport and soapies on TV. Had a lively discussion with some vague figures under headlamps about magnetic declination and how big 30 degrees is when Clinton pointed out that I was standing right under the high tension power lines. No worries, one day it shall be my turn to make a shattering discovery of note.

Looked forward to the finish for the magic moment of – as George Forder so sharply puts it – “layers of wicking clothing releasing the gentle yet poignant odour of exercise and warriorness amongst the refined guests in their designer dresses and lounge suits, sipping tea and gin from separate containers”

But the entire shopping centre was deserted. Not even a lapswaaier to be impressed. Just as well, as the warriorness was a bit spoilt by the two lines of dusty snot from the nostrils to the ear lobes.

Nevertheless, felt quite proud at not having fallen off the bike even once. B&O team member Tania made up for this falling headlong into a ditch en route to a private moment in the veld – whereupon all the headlamps she had politely asked to look away focussed onto a cloud of fine dust.

Dark & Dirty Nite Ride ( 10 Jul)

Felt I needed some more training – without the rest of the team.

Once again did an entirely new set of tracks. Highlight of the evening was doing some stunts in a bike park

Then there was the oke who tried (second time successful) to negotiate (at an angle of coarse) a 85 degree slope into a stormwater drain, the oke whose pedal hooked a coil of barbed wire lying in the veld and another oke (my son Little Sh*t) who came off going down the R21 embankment.

As the skate boarders say : its only funny until someone gets hurt – then its hilarious.

The next B&O training jaunt will be the ropes.